In the 1960s, scientists discovered that vertebrates dream:
Chickens and cows, 25 minutes.
Mice, 290 minutes.
Humans, 100 minutes.
Chimpanzees, 90 minutes.
Cats, 200 minutes.
And so on.
It was confirmed: ALL vertebrates dream.
Scientists were thrilled, and rightly so.
It was marvelous.
They studied the sleep patterns of all sorts of animals, trying to unlock the mysteries of this universal vertebrate function.
The Vertebrate Dreamers Club welcomed everyone from lizards to dolphins. It was wonderful.
But just as everything was starting to click and the hypotheses were so beautifully crafted that they could bring Darwin to tears… horror struck.
Turns out, there’s one damn animal that doesn’t dream.
Yeah, I know, they could’ve kept it quiet. We’d all be better off. But no. It had to come to light.
A very inconvenient exception…
Ladies and gentlemen, meet the abomination:
THE DAMN PLATYPUS DOESN’T DREAM.
Nada. Zero.
Doesn’t need it and is perfectly fine without it.
That’s just how it rolls, and we’ve got to respect it.
So now, we can no longer say that all vertebrates dream.
Devastating.
The Vertebrate Dreamers Club crumbles, all because of one smart-ass who refuses to follow the script.
The platypus, the animal kingdom’s rebel without a cause. That little troublemaker who decided to throw a wrench in the works with its zero minutes of dreaming. Just because it can.
And that, my friends, is infuriating.
It’s infuriating because it shatters the perfect idea, the beautiful symmetry, the fantasy that all vertebrates are united by the experience of dreaming.
So I guess we have to rewrite the history of science and wonderment because the party pooper platypus decided it doesn’t have time to dream.
Chaos.
A glitch in the Matrix.
Cosmic horror.
Now, think about this: if one simple platypus can obliterate a hypothesis as beautiful as the Vertebrate Dreamers Club, one that would’ve made Darwin weep…
What about the 15% of students that the education system labels as anomalies, exceptions, or outliers?
The education system strives to squeeze you into a mold, and if you don’t fit, like the damn platypus, who do they blame?
Exactly, the platypus.
You’re the problem, not the system. Because, of course, the system is pristine, perfect, godlike. And you? You’re the oddball, the misfit, the party pooper.
Are you one of those platypuses?
I’m a damn platypus.
I’m part of that group of misfits, oddballs, and party poopers that the system would rather ignore. I didn’t fit in, and they treated me like a freak.
But guess what? I found a place, a safe fortress on a private island, and I built a refuge for platypuses. I called it Quarantine.
Haha! Tremble, normies.
And now we’re going to show the world the unstoppable power of platypuses who break the rules and create new realities.
The time has come.
Here at Quarantine, being different isn’t a curse. It’s a superpower. We turn chaos into art, fear into strength, and oddities into pure creativity.
We’re not here to fit in; we’re here to shake things up. Because if I’ve learned anything, it’s that the real value, the thing that truly makes a difference, lies in the WILD EXCEPTION.
If you’ve ever felt like a platypus, a misfit, a reject, one of those who doesn’t fit into the perfect narrative others have written for you, this might be your place.
Here, we embrace the uncomfortable, the weird, the chaotic. Because in that crack opened in the Matrix by the platypus, well that’s where we find true creativity.
Join us, and you’ll remember every name, every face, of every alarmingly extraordinary platypus who finds refuge here.
We’re not promising to fix your life -you’ll still be a cross between a duck and an otter, sorry. But we do promise that here, being different isn’t a curse. It’s a superpower. And we’ll teach you how to put it to good use. Because with great power comes great responsibility…
P.S. - We love platypuses, and we’re the only place that welcomes them and gives them free beer. Click above and join us already ⬆︎
P.P.S. - No platypuses have been harmed in the formulation of this newsletter.
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